It’s been a weird season of life. It has been draining. I can’t think of any better word to describe it. It has been emotionally, mentally, and spiritually draining. And honestly I’m sick of feeling this way. And despite my inability to have life figured out, for some reason God spoke to me. I don’t know why, but it isn’t the first time that it has happened.
I was out for a run on the gravel road just west of town. Why does this always happen when I’m running? My iPod was on shuffle because I can never seem to settle on one type of music when I do anything, but then I end up skipping 90% of the songs when it’s on shuffle so I have no idea why I do it. It doesn’t seem very efficient. I probably need to just create a playlist. So, as I was coming back toward town, I was flipping through songs, and felt the urge to pray before I got home. As I often do when I’m out on my own, I began to pray out loud but I didn’t have any words. I felt stuck. Audible to only myself, God, and all the mosquitoes feeding on me, I said,
“I really don’t know what to say right now, God.”
That was it. That’s all I could muster in that moment. And literally as soon as those words spilled out of my mouth, my iPod landed on a song by Andrew Ehrenzeller called, “Set My Love.” And I stopped shuffling. Here’s a few of the lyrics:
It took a long time for me to see that I’ve been blind
To what is real and what I really believed about you and I
It took a long time for me to sit a little while
And feed upon your faithfulness again like a little child
I am merely a man made from the dust
You are the risk of love that I get to trust
When you feel stuck, it sure seems as if everything is taking a long time. “Will this season ever end? Will I ever feel normal again?” And as someone who struggles with anxiety, it has taken me a long time to “sit a little while and feed upon your faithfulness again, like a little child.”
And then came the bridge:
I will dwell in the shadow of the Most High
And abide in the shelter of the Almighty
I think I needed to hear that. All of the Psalms that are lamenting or crying out to God never settle on the struggle. They always come back to the truth.
You know that passage in Romans 8:26 that says:
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
I think that’s true. I’m pretty confident that the Spirit gave me the words to pray (I know, I know, it’s not a perfect interpretation of that passage, but just hear me out). I didn’t have the words, but God did. So He showed me what I ought to pray.
- I will dwell in the shelter of the most high and abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
- Go run more often.